--> eyelash wishes

youaremynirvana:

hoelita:

female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away

same

(Source: babefield)

pizzashrapnelblindness:

growing up i always thought that quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be

tom-sits-like-a-whore:

reasons to date me

  • no pressure to wear pants in my presence
  • or any clothes at all really
  • but it’s up to you
  • u can be big spoon or little spoon
  • totally your choice
  • i’m always ready to make out
  • aLwaYs
  • also u don’t even have to buy me things just maybe an ice cream cone every once in a while that’s it 
  • i’ll let you lick it though
  • i mean the ice cream cone
  • well not just the ice cream cone

bilboh:

one time in sixth grade this kid shouted “urethra” instead of “eureka”

(Source: asukaas)

kingcheddarxvii:

kingcheddarxvii:

Quick, without checking to see how it’s spelled, tell me this man’s name

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michaxl:

how do dogs go down stairs on all fours that shit is terrifying

suluboo:

relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead 

(Source: queensamwise)

schoolwitch:

i love freckles theyre skin stars

(Source: sinaloan)

myynt:

i hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that shit

(Source: sav4gez)

katkinkat:

i wish i could say “?????????” in real life it would be very useful

(Source: baebees)

bearholdt:

Fact: blankets keep you safe at night. We dont know what from, but they are definitely an immunity against something.

(Source: bearholdt)